Kindness.
Love,
Cheryl
Stopping By the Woods on a Snowy Evening. . .
This is my favorite Winter solstice poem:
Whose woods these are I think I know.
His house is in the village though;
He will not see me stopping here
To watch his woods fill up with snow.
My little horse must think it queer
To stop without a farmhouse near
Between the woods and frozen lake
The darkest evening of the year.
He gives his harness bells a shake
To ask if there is some mistake.
The only other sound’s the sweep
Of easy wind and downy flake.
The woods are lovely, dark and deep,
But I have promises to keep,
And miles to go before I sleep,
And miles to go before I sleep.
- Robert Frost
Seasonal Affective Disorder
Seasonal Affective Disorder usually occurs when we are at the time of year where there is little sunlight, although it could occur in other seasons. It is a kind of depression that clears up when the light of Spring comes again.
Symptoms may include:
- Sadness, melancholy, or a vague anxiety
- Loss of interest and focus
- Weight gain
- feeling tired - even with more sleep
If you feel you have this, think about talking to someone about it. Feel free to contact me for a consultation about what you may wish to do to cope with this unhappy state.
Warm Regards,
Cheryl
Balance and Constancy
Constancy creates balance, so here are some tips for developing constancy:
1) Build time into your day where you do nothing at all but contemplate or meditate. Even 5 or 10 minutes allows your inner and outer being to work best together.
2) Pay attention to the present moment, instead of thinking ahead or about what happened before. This assure you will spend your time efficiently and that means you will have more time.
3) Do what you say you will do - and don't promise anything to which you are not 100% committed to doing. Then if for some reason you can't do it, clearly let others know far in advance as you can. Being thoughtful of others will help others to see you as a constant person, and you will feel better about yourself as well.
With Equanimity,
Cheryl
Prepared for the Holidays?
Do the holidays leave you feeling pulled in several directions? On one hand, it is the darkest time of the year, temperatures are low and even the landscape feels muffled in fog and precipitation. Out bodies and minds call us to go inward. At the same time, the holidays cry that we should be shopping and partying.
The company you keep is a good indicator of what kind of holiday you will have. Obligations to families can be high, yet spending too much time with family obligations can sometimes turn a good visit into a fraught one.
Make time to spend with people who allow you happiness. People who can make you laugh. Also spend time alone. An evening with a book and a good cup of tea can be just what the doctor ordered!
Have a Warm Holiday Season,
Cheryl
The Devil is in the Details
the rush of life, life itself is neglected.
The devil is in the details - the internal stories, the small actions of daily life, the interactions and transactions on has with others. This is where life really takes place.
Yet so much can be done that the details of a day are totally blurred over, and all that is left is the remains of a day, which is swept way by sleep and replaced by a next day.
Life doesn't have to be like this. It is possible to slow down a few microseconds before embarking on the next detail and in doing so, becoming present.
Remember, there is no present in life that is as valuable as the present moment.
Warmly,
Cheryl
Three Symptoms of Codependency
Codependency is often hard to understand because relationships are so natural for most people. So where does one draw the line between healthy caring and codependency? Here are three indicators:
1) Trying to get someone to change - this can take considerable amounts of time and head space.
2) Being "fed up" with a partner, child friend or colleague and also feeling quite attached to them.
3) Not knowing what you want, but trying to provide everyone else with what they want and need.
It is easy to feel obsession with another person without really being that aware of its high price. If these symptoms register with you, feel free to call me at 415 282 2200 for a free, 15 minute consultation.
All Best,
Cheryl
Do This Very Moment Justice
I often see people in my daily life with their shoulders up, taking fast and exuding the feeling that there is not enough time.
This is a hard way to go, although the pace is hypnotic and sometimes hard for a person to break.
No matter how "busy" one is, there are ways to approach life more easefully.
Do this very moment justice. What are your eyes, ears and other senses telling you about where you are right now? Are you breathing? Are you really noticing who you speak to and what you say? Are you focused on the present moment?
Focus is a clue you are going in the right direction, as is a feeling of contentment which arises when one owns a moment in time.
Take Care,
Cheryl
Happy Thanksgiving!
Whatever you are doing for Thanksgiving, do it beecausee you want to do it. Please do not judge your worth as a person by what others say, do or tell you. Get enough sleep. Watch things like drinking. How you treat others will be longer remembered than whether the dish you brought was the best ever.
Most of all, remember what you have to be grateful about, which is the point of the whole thing after all. Even thought many of you have been feeling blue lately about the elections and other upheavels, you can still be grateful that you are alive, that you are a good person, and that regardless of who you see or do not see, you are spending time with the best person in the world for you - yourself.
Have a Peaceful Holiday,
Cheryl
The Breezes at Dawn Have Secrets to Tell You. . .
"The breezes at dawn have secrets to tell you
Don't go back to sleep!
You must ask for what you really want.
Don't go back to sleep!
People are going back and forth
across the doorsill where the two worlds touch,
The door is round and open
Don't go back to sleep!”
- Jalaluddin Rumi
Living in Divided Times
We are living in a society that is not living up to it financial capacity or promise as a nation. It is a time of polarization of political power and spiritual division. To top it off, our personal lives, including our relationships with relatives, friends and co-workers, can feel uneasy.
I believe chances of success in any undertaking these days may just be measured by your belief in yourself - have courage and faith in your own goodness. Sometimes, little else is clear.
Warm Regards,
Cheryl
When Good People Think Mean Things
Sometimes we think uncomfortable thoughts that we would not be happy to share with our friends and neighbors. This is about as common as the many inappropriate things that can happen in dreams.
The most important thing is not to judge ourselves. By not judging it is possible to step outside and witness such thoughts without becoming them or thinking less of ourselves. When this is done, it then becomes possible to change thoughts by contemplating the feelings that helped to create the thoughts, and their sources. Then one can get a better perspective on what is actually going on.
Most importantly, one does not have to act on a less than charitable impulse, and the exercise of detachment done routinely makes it more and more likely that one will not say, do or even think those mean thoughts.
Unchain Yourself!
Cheryl
Adjusting After the Elections
Please take extra precautions to remain healthy in the following weeks. We are in a new era of citizenship, and on top of that, the holidays are coming up fast.
This is time to feel, but also to stand outside of ourselves and watch our feelings and to not give over to too much excess, for the sake of our health and our relationships. Change is never comfortable for most people. So go easy on yourself for now. New solutions will present themselves as the season unfolds.
For now, stay safe.
Best Regards,
Cheryl
Be a Voter
This Tuesday's Presidential election is the most angst-creating election I have ever seen. Clients are coming in to talk about the effect that the ugliness of this election is having on their health. I am so glad it is just about over.
There is no easy solution to the truths our nation needs to face that got us to this point. But since voting is the point, please go out there and do it.
Use your personal volition to help create a wave of energy in this nation that can help seek out its new truths.
Be a Voter!
Cheryl
Someone In Your Life Need Help - But Won't Get It?
You probably will not like what I have to say.
You need to stop being so aware of that person, and more aware of yourself. It's how we perceive others that helps or hurts them - and you!
For example, does your person have a lack of self control? Have you exhausted yourself trying to get them to behave differently? Acknowledge you can't do anything about it but change how you respond to their actions.
Good luck remembering this. If it was easy, the whole world would be getting along much better!
Cheryl
Thinking About Therapy?
A lot of folks think about going to therapy five or six times before they actually investigate it. Or perhaps they have a therapist's number that a friend gave them tucked away somewhere just in case. . .
While it's true that therapy is an investment in oneself, I think one of the the biggest fears people have is that the therapist they call will not work for them. Sometimes the person they contact is not a good fit. But more often than not, it is. Therapy provides a place to find answers that have remained frustratingly opaque, or share a burden that won't otherwise go away. Therapy can reduce one's stress and help to heal a broken heart. It can be an invaluable tool for growth.
So all in all, I think it's worth the gamble of investigation. Please let me offer you a 15 minute free consultation to see if therapy might work. If it doesn't feel like we would be a good match, I am happy to help you to find someone else to work with you. You have nothing to lose, and perhaps something valuable to gain.
Wishing You Well,
Cheryl
Thinking about Therapy?
A lot of folks think about going to therapy five or six times before they actually investigate it. Or perhaps they have a therapist's number that a friend gave them tucked away somewhere just in case. . .
While it's true that therapy is an investment in oneself, I think one of the the biggest fears people have is that the therapist they call will not work for them. Sometimes the person they contact is not a good fit. But more often than not, it is. Therapy provides a place to find answers that have remaineded frustratingly opaque, or share a burden that won't otherwise go away. Therapy can reduce one's stress and help to heal a broken heart. It can be an invaluable tool for growth.
So all in all, I think it's worth the gamble of investigation. Please let me offer you a 15 minute free consultation to see if therapy might work between us. If it doesn't feel like we would be a good match, I am happy to help you to find someone else to work with you. You have nothing to lose, and perhaps something valuable to gain.
Wishing You Well,
Cheryl
Want Something? Set Your Mind to It!
First, you must want something then:
1) Think about what you want. Explore the depths of why you want it and how you want it and when.
2) Make sure it is something you have control over - i.e., not controlling someone else's behavior but changing your own.
3) Be determined! Set goals, think about it every day, talk to others about it, study the subject.
4) Be flexible. After you have explored your goal, you may find that the goal was only a preliminary step toward something even greater.
5) Be grateful that you know you want something. Too many people go through life not knowing what they want at all. You are fortunate.
The best of luck to you!
Cheryl
Coming Back after Blog Fatigue
For years now I have pretty much written my blog twice a week - but earlier this month, I hit a wall. Sometimes it is good just to step back from a dicipline, hobby or activity for awhile.
Today is the first day I have felt like making an entry since the beginning of the month. Its been a good break and I look forward to blogging again in the near future.
Is there something you would like to let go of in your life, if only for a few days, hours or weeks? Even things we like need refreshment sometimes.
Warmly,
Cheryl
Trying to Have Things Both Ways
Often, trying to have things both ways is not so obvious to a person. For instance, they may not like someone but really want that person to think highly of them. Or they may secretly hate their job yet be quite upset when they don't get a great review. Sexual affairs fall into this category as well.
Whatever the case is, trying to have things both ways creates a double life that takes a lot of energy and doesn't allow for personal advancement. Wanting to have one's cake and eat it too is simply denial. Sooner or later, a person is going to find they are having bad feelings that seem to come out of nowhere, like confusion, guilt, anger and feeling trapped.
You owe it to yourself to stop and examine what is going on. Take a break, talk it out with a friend, see a therapist, meditate and contemplate what your unease is all about. It is not always easy, but it is so worth it.
Have a Great Weekend,
Cheryl