Often, trying to have things both ways is not so obvious to a person. For instance, they may not like someone but really want that person to think highly of them. Or they may secretly hate their job yet be quite upset when they don't get a great review. Sexual affairs fall into this category as well.
Whatever the case is, trying to have things both ways creates a double life that takes a lot of energy and doesn't allow for personal advancement. Wanting to have one's cake and eat it too is simply denial. Sooner or later, a person is going to find they are having bad feelings that seem to come out of nowhere, like confusion, guilt, anger and feeling trapped.
You owe it to yourself to stop and examine what is going on. Take a break, talk it out with a friend, see a therapist, meditate and contemplate what your unease is all about. It is not always easy, but it is so worth it.
Have a Great Weekend,
Cheryl