"Pursue some path, however narrow and crooked, in which YOU can walk with love and reverance."
- Henry David Thoreau
I believe that this is enough of a task for any lifetime.
Cheryl
The Mental Health of Biotech and Computer Executives
The San Francisco Bay area is home to many technological firms that create jobs with long hours, deadline pressures, sometimes-chaotic management and constant change. Although some thrive in this kind of environment, the majority of executives and technical workers I have seen have a feeling that they have sacrificed too much.
These sacrifices are often hard to initially identify, as working conditions can seem pleasant - lots of food, gym memberships, benefits. Yet the level of involvement one is expected to provide at work can create a life where one's inner world and true priorities can become neglected. Relationships can become strained or broken, and workaholic attitudes are common.
I know this to be true not only from my clients, but from a decade of working in the "hi tech" industry earlier in life. If you like, call me for a phone consultation today. You have nothing to lose, and perhaps everything to gain.
Warm Regards,
Cheryl
Only the Brave Should Teach
"Only the brave should teach. Only those who love the young should teach. Teaching is a vocation. It is as sacred as priesthood; as innate a desire, as inescapable as the genius which compels a great artist. If he has not the concern for humanity, the love of living creatures, the vision of the priest and the artist, he must not teach."
- Elizabeth Deutche Earle
Almost all of us had a teacher or teachers we remember all our lives. As a therapist, I have seen many of these brave souls in my therapy practice. Uniformally, they struggle with the idea that they haven't done enough for their students. Great teachers come in all flavors, and we learn from them all our lives, even when they are long gone.
Warm Regards,
Cheryl
Winter Into Spring
There is joy as Winter slowly begins to release its grip into Spring. This happens rather early in the SF Bay Area.
How much can you bear to notice these changes? Can you tear yourself from the everyday thoughts and anxieties so common to clty life long enough to notice the suntle and not-so-subtle moments of change?
No matter how important our worries seem or how pressing our problems really are, there is a part of us that is separate, calm and watchfulTake a moment to find this inner sitillness, this inner beauty. You will know you are seeing joy when it looks back at you in the form of a crocus, a sunset or a raindrop.
Warmly,
Cheryl
The Slow Motion Crisis
If you find yourself in this situation, do not waste your energy with feeling foolish that you didn't listen to yourself that things weren't right. You are seldom alone in that. Don't panic and start making promises you probably can't keep as it will only make things worse. Find someone with a cooler head than yours - who is trustworthy - to talk with. Don't try to weather your crisis all alone.
Finally, try to realize that what seems like your own private hell right now may in time become the turning point where your life changed irrevocably for the better. Live by your inner principles and you will have nothing to regret.
Regards,
Cheryl
Keep Your Mind Even
Quote for Today:
"Remember when life's path is steep to keep your mind even."
- Horace
Talking things out with a trusted person is a way to help keep the mind even. So is going deep into meditation. Other things that can keep the mind even are:
- taking a walk in nature
- refusing to beat yourself up for a mistake
- making a gratitude list
- being kind to animals
- taking a hot bath, or a warm shower
- eating comfortably, sleeping well
- travel for pleasure
- choosing love over fear
- breathing deep from within
Have a Great Day,
Cheryl
Valentine's Day
There is a pressure for many on Valentine's Day to get it right. Perhaps there was a time when you were madly in love, and you wish you could evoke that time again. That can be tricky!
Also, it is such a commercial holiday that it can feel spending lots of money is the right way to demonstrate proof of your love for someone.
I believe that a day of deliberate kindness, attentiveness and thoughtfulness go a lot further than roses or chocolate ever can.
But don't get me wrong - a little chocolate can always help:-)
Love,
Cheryl
Are You in a Rut?
Sometimes it is hard to see that you are stuck in an old pattern or rut. If you feel out of touch with your feelings, directionless or depressed, this can be a sign that you are in a rut.
If you find friends and family are not as sympathetic or patient as they once were, or if they even seem to be avoiding you - or at least not wanting to discuss your problem - then you are in a rut.
At this point, you may want to consider therapy. A supportive, professional presence can help you to move through problems and dilemmas much quicker than you can move through them alone.
Take Care,
Cheryl
Emotional Growth Through Relationships
Please remember that beyond the world of feelings about others is another world - the world of our selves. Even if what we are doing on the surface of our relationships feels good or bad, our inner world is watching, keeping us safe. Relationships, although so important, are not everything!
There are many vehicles that lead toward finding the inner strength you need to be a strong person, a person capable of successful relationships. Some include: not isolating, meditation, taking good care of one's body, taking time off work and talking to a therapist or other supportive person.
Above all, don't feel bad about who you are today. Your best effort has brought you to reading this blog. And your best effort is really great!
Have a Good Weekend,
Cheryl
Where is Your Duty When Someone Harms You?
If you believe someone has betrayed you, are you still obligated to them? And does it matter if that person is a child or an adult? Does the bad behavior of another mean you are free to behave however you want at that moment?
I think it comes back to two major considerations. 1) how your response will cause you to feel toward yourself and 2) Whether or not you really understand the situation and the people involved from a dispassionate place.
If you are wondering what to do, talk it over with a safe person who is not so close to your situation. If you don't have anyone like that, or you feel you have already leaned on them too many times in the past, it may be time to talk to a therapist, clergy member, mentor or other safe outside person.
Have a Good Week,
Cheryl
Considering Children
Whether to have children or not is one of the major decisions of a lifetime. For years, I led workshops and groups on this very subject. A lot of the decisions comes down to "who will do what" in our busy world.
For instance, who will provide the finances and the childcare involved? Who is going to discipline your child and how? How will all the extra chores be divvied up and who has a say in the major decisions about your child's life?
Because these are such important questions, I have devised a tool to help single and multi-parenting prospective parents figure this out. If you email me at Cdd.mft@gmail.com, I will send you a copy. Feel free to ask any other questions you may have as well!
Warm Regards,
Cheryl
There's Always More to Know. . .
Don't sell yourself short. There is always so much more to know about you, about your world and about your capacity. If you feel stuck or overwhelmed by a situation don't listen to the voice that says it will always be this way - because it will not! Joy may be waiting for you just around the corner. There is always more to know!
Warmly,
Cheryl
Love
There are hundreds of shades of love in the world - and they have the same root. The many ways of love manifests itself can be baffling. Love can arise in a desert of loneliness, from an abundance of joy, or in places you did not know existed. I believe that from the day we are born, the love inside us seeks itself, both internally and externally.
Sometimes love seems to create all sorts of problems, but the problems are not with love itself. Possessiveness, habits and codependency can overwhelm the tenderness of love, the beauty of love. If you are experiencing stress with the people you love, it doesn't mean that love no longer exists, but that it is being covered up.
Therapy can be helpful in helping to devine the differences between what love is - and is not - in your life. Feel free to contact me today.
With Love,
Cheryl