Why Codependency Doesn't Work


Codependency is a largely unconscious attempt to have another person in one's life in a way that makes one feel and loved and needed.  It occasionally, briefly works - which is a hook for a way of living that will ultimately fail.

Many good people live with the idea that they are unworthy or otherwise not very lovable.  In the grip of unpleasant feelings about oneself, the escape to codependency takes root.  Focusing on another person's problems helps one to feel capable and useful. But ultimately, the other person will become an excuse for one's frustration and dissatisfaction.

Some people stay in relationships way too long.  They put up with circumstances that they would never want a friend or loved one to endure.  However, the good news is that codependency can be overcome, and you can put oneself back in the driver's seat of life. 

If you think you may be codependent, by all means reach out for support.  This could mean reading about codependency, talking to someone who knows you and cares about you, going to Codependent's Anonymous and finding a therapist.  Just getting rid of your codependent is often not enough - another will probably come along soon if you haven't changed!

Once free of codependency, life blossoms in ways that you would not have dreamed were possible.

Regards, Cheryl Deaner, LMFT