According to Patrick Carnes in “The Betrayal Bond” the trap of seduction is having a relationship with someone who exudes high warmth but has low intention. Unfortunately, some seductive people want to take advantage of others, either consciously or unconsciously. They present themselves in such a way that one finds it easy to fantasize that the other person is more available than they actually are.
If you are attracted to charismatic, seemingly guileless people who turn out to not be wrong for you or use you, realize that you don’t have to keep making the same mistake over and over. You can develop the capacity to not become ensnared with people who take advantage of you.
Here are three tips for avoiding being used:
1) Don’t ignore the red flags that are there in the beginning when you most clearly see the other individual. The other person is not a diamond in the rough!
2) Are you thinking too much too soon about another person? You may be becoming obsessed, which can feel good in some ways. But unless both parties just happen to feel the same way, the chances of an obsession developing into real love are slim.
3) Talk to others you trust about how you are feeling. If you are still feeling unbalanced or uneasy about an attraction, it may be time to speak with a therapist. Perhaps falling for seductive people has roots in your own past, or is caused by lonliness or some other state of mind that can be remedied.