The power of speech is priceless - yet often we go mumbling through our days without acknowledging it's tremendous power.
We can choose at any moment to speak positively to others and to uplift our inner as well as our outer presence in this world. Whatever you say influences everyone directly.
Put your attention on good, compassionate and thoughtful words, and watch your world change for the better - immediately!
Warm Regards,
Cheryl Deaner, LMFT #36764
Listening is an art that leads to understanding, empathy and connection. However, in an age of fake news, interrupting and shouting, it can appear that listening isn't really as powerful as it actually is.
Try listening to a person without interruption. Look at them when they speak. When they are done speaking, acknowledge what they have said, even repeating back what you have heard for clarification.
Truly listening to others - instead of just thinking of what you will say next - is a sign or respect to the other person. But even more importantly, it is a sign of self-respect.
Warm Regards,
Cheryl Deaner, LMFT #36764
Late January is the time of year many folks feel a little stuck. The weather can be challenging, the holidays are definitely over, and the real work begins.
It is normal to have ebbs and flows in energy and goal-directedness this time of year. If you are going through a time of not being sure of what you really want to do or what the point of everything is, chalk it up to Winter blues.
However, if you are in a depressive rut, that is another matter entirely. Signs of Winter depression can include:
Oversleeping or undersleeping
Lack of motivation
Too much sensitivity to everything or shutting down.
Lack of concentration
Depression more days than not for 3 weeks.
If you are in this sort of rut, call a therapist. If you are simply blue for a couple days, just call it the time of year.
Warm Regards,
Cheryl Deaner, LMFT
"Just for today I will live through this day only, and not tackle all my problems at once. I can do something for twenty four hours that would appall me if I felt I had to keep it up for a lifetime."
- Alanon Family Programs
Now is a time to pause and think about the amount of suffering, hard change and redemption this country has gone through and is going through still today.
We humans are an ever-evolving species, and Dr. King's example of non-violent change is needed today more than ever.
How we perceive others is a product of our own minds, even though tainted by a society of racism and other social ills. So to keep history from repeating itself, claim your inner self, the part of you that inherently understands equality and interconnectedness between all the parts of the universe we live in.
Remember also that no matter how bleak things may look today, heros like Dr. King are always being reborn in this world, again and again.
Respectfully,
Cheryl Deaner, LMFT
Criticism can really sting! Or at least annoy - especially when it comes from someone close to you, or from someone who seems to have plenty of their own flaws.
It is hard not to react, but usually better. Often, one can get by with saying: "That's very interesting, I will have to think about it." You can always say something later, after you have had time to self-edit your first reaction.
Another technique for handling criticism is to note if there is even a grain of truth in it. If there is, tell yourself that the criticism is a teaching - an opportunity to change something you may have not known was a problem.
These sort of responses to criticism may not feel great immediately, but they can save you from regret and future problems. Moreover, they will enhance your capacity for detachment, perhaps the best skill one can have when dealing with people!
Warmly,
Cheryl Deaner, LMFT #36764
If you feel you deserve more out of life than the routine you are experiencing, you do!
Maybe the mystery is how to find what you deserve. If so, may I suggest a two-pronged approach.
First, go inward. Contemplate your life as it is today, and as you would like it to be.
Secondly, after you have dug deep into your own thoughts and feelings, go outwward. Spend time with others who can help you to sort out your personal roadblocks to discover the joy in your life that you might now see only dimly.
This may sound a little simplistic, but it is anything but. Reserve the time to do this and you will be rewarded.
Warmly,
Cheryl Deaner, LMFT
After the holidays, the resolution to lose 5 pounds and get back on a budget seems wise to many of us!
Here are a couple of tips for getting things back to "normal":
1) Deliberate on why you want to do this, and the rewards you will have from doing this - such as peace of mind. Use positive reinforcement rather than feeling down on yourself for holiday excess.
2) Remember that good habits take time to make. It takes an average of 28 days to form a habit. If you slip up, that's ok - just keep working on a resolution until it becomes habitual.
Happy New Year!
Cheryl Deaner, LMFT
Whether we call them intentions or resolutions, now is a great time to scan your life to see if there is a change that you would like to see in your life.
My intention is this - to be mindful of what I take into my body, and in turn, to be mindful of what I contribute to the world in the form of words. I believe bodily health and mental health work together to influence the amount of peace we have with ourselves and our world.
May 2017 be a very good year for you!
Best Wishes,
Cheryl Deaner, LMFT
Kindness.
Love,
Cheryl
This is my favorite Winter solstice poem:
Whose woods these are I think I know.
His house is in the village though;
He will not see me stopping here
To watch his woods fill up with snow.
My little horse must think it queer
To stop without a farmhouse near
Between the woods and frozen lake
The darkest evening of the year.
He gives his harness bells a shake
To ask if there is some mistake.
The only other sound’s the sweep
Of easy wind and downy flake.
The woods are lovely, dark and deep,
But I have promises to keep,
And miles to go before I sleep,
And miles to go before I sleep.
- Robert Frost
Seasonal Affective Disorder usually occurs when we are at the time of year where there is little sunlight, although it could occur in other seasons. It is a kind of depression that clears up when the light of Spring comes again.
Symptoms may include:
- Sadness, melancholy, or a vague anxiety
- Loss of interest and focus
- Weight gain
- feeling tired - even with more sleep
If you feel you have this, think about talking to someone about it. Feel free to contact me for a consultation about what you may wish to do to cope with this unhappy state.
Warm Regards,
Cheryl
Constancy creates balance, so here are some tips for developing constancy:
1) Build time into your day where you do nothing at all but contemplate or meditate. Even 5 or 10 minutes allows your inner and outer being to work best together.
2) Pay attention to the present moment, instead of thinking ahead or about what happened before. This assure you will spend your time efficiently and that means you will have more time.
3) Do what you say you will do - and don't promise anything to which you are not 100% committed to doing. Then if for some reason you can't do it, clearly let others know far in advance as you can. Being thoughtful of others will help others to see you as a constant person, and you will feel better about yourself as well.
With Equanimity,
Cheryl
Do the holidays leave you feeling pulled in several directions? On one hand, it is the darkest time of the year, temperatures are low and even the landscape feels muffled in fog and precipitation. Out bodies and minds call us to go inward. At the same time, the holidays cry that we should be shopping and partying.
The company you keep is a good indicator of what kind of holiday you will have. Obligations to families can be high, yet spending too much time with family obligations can sometimes turn a good visit into a fraught one.
Make time to spend with people who allow you happiness. People who can make you laugh. Also spend time alone. An evening with a book and a good cup of tea can be just what the doctor ordered!
Have a Warm Holiday Season,
Cheryl
the rush of life, life itself is neglected.
The devil is in the details - the internal stories, the small actions of daily life, the interactions and transactions on has with others. This is where life really takes place.
Yet so much can be done that the details of a day are totally blurred over, and all that is left is the remains of a day, which is swept way by sleep and replaced by a next day.
Life doesn't have to be like this. It is possible to slow down a few microseconds before embarking on the next detail and in doing so, becoming present.
Remember, there is no present in life that is as valuable as the present moment.
Warmly,
Cheryl
Codependency is often hard to understand because relationships are so natural for most people. So where does one draw the line between healthy caring and codependency? Here are three indicators:
1) Trying to get someone to change - this can take considerable amounts of time and head space.
2) Being "fed up" with a partner, child friend or colleague and also feeling quite attached to them.
3) Not knowing what you want, but trying to provide everyone else with what they want and need.
It is easy to feel obsession with another person without really being that aware of its high price. If these symptoms register with you, feel free to call me at 415 282 2200 for a free, 15 minute consultation.
All Best,
Cheryl
I often see people in my daily life with their shoulders up, taking fast and exuding the feeling that there is not enough time.
This is a hard way to go, although the pace is hypnotic and sometimes hard for a person to break.
No matter how "busy" one is, there are ways to approach life more easefully.
Do this very moment justice. What are your eyes, ears and other senses telling you about where you are right now? Are you breathing? Are you really noticing who you speak to and what you say? Are you focused on the present moment?
Focus is a clue you are going in the right direction, as is a feeling of contentment which arises when one owns a moment in time.
Take Care,
Cheryl
Whatever you are doing for Thanksgiving, do it beecausee you want to do it. Please do not judge your worth as a person by what others say, do or tell you. Get enough sleep. Watch things like drinking. How you treat others will be longer remembered than whether the dish you brought was the best ever.
Most of all, remember what you have to be grateful about, which is the point of the whole thing after all. Even thought many of you have been feeling blue lately about the elections and other upheavels, you can still be grateful that you are alive, that you are a good person, and that regardless of who you see or do not see, you are spending time with the best person in the world for you - yourself.
Have a Peaceful Holiday,
Cheryl
- Jalaluddin Rumi
We are living in a society that is not living up to it financial capacity or promise as a nation. It is a time of polarization of political power and spiritual division. To top it off, our personal lives, including our relationships with relatives, friends and co-workers, can feel uneasy.
I believe chances of success in any undertaking these days may just be measured by your belief in yourself - have courage and faith in your own goodness. Sometimes, little else is clear.
Warm Regards,
Cheryl